Again and again

I need to ask myself a serious question - Why is it that I continually put myself into the same negative situations again and again? I am always trying to give my affection away to someone who is mostly undeserving - and always find myself feeling hurt or empty in the end. To pull a line from one of my favorite movies, "I am such a stupid woman." I think the best way to face things is head on - So I will admit to you what has gotten me down at this time - I feel that I often find myself, over the past few years, talking to guys that keep me a secret. Through texts, emails, comments, phone calls, etc they make me seem such a huge part of their life. And stupid me - I buy into believing so much of their BS until something happens that really hurts me. There is this one guy that I really feel like could be something amazing for me - only problem is we are separated by hundreds of miles. We have this amazing passion and so much the same and different that we are never bored by each other. And up until now I really had been buying into the only reason we couldnt be together is that we've only been face to face once, and that we are separated by states. Tonight however the smallest little thing has set me off - and made me face up to the reality that "hes just not that into me." I dont believe in keeping the ppl I love or care about censored, a secret, away from anyone. I dont care about putting things out there that are true or funny or real for me - and I feel like if you truly felt a certain way about someone - or a certain situation - you wouldnt care who knew about it either. But thats just me. And youd think at 23, and 98398923 million failed dates, bad relationships and even those things that never even actually make it to dates - that I would know better. Maybe one day.... I heard eHarmony was pretty good ;)